How to speak up with confidence in meetings?

The best way to be confident in meetings: GET OFF MUTE - A BATTLECRY

If you want to be heard - you literally need to get off mute. During the pandemic the sentence “You are on mute” was one of the running gags for a all folks who worked remotely from home. It was probably said a hundred thousand times all around the globe in the video calls and telephone conferences on Zoom, Skype or Teams. The technical difficulty to turn you microphone on and off was truly annoying throughout a day of back-to-back meetings. 

            But for me the sentence “Get off mute” is not only a synonym of the very special work situation, but is also a battlecry. I would like to shout it into your face…with love and respect. 

            If you want to be listened to, you need to speak up. There is no other way or work-around for unmuting yourself. You can have the most brilliant idea or the most important feedback, if you keep your mouth shut know one will ever know about it. 

To speak with authority in meetings is a confidence challenge - how can you increase visibility and overcome your shyness?

In many surveys women identified participating in discussions or feedback rounds as one of their major self-esteem challenges. The lack of confidence is so big that they would rather tell their idea to their manager or someone else in the team and have them speak about it, than themselves. There is “shyness” to be in the spotlight. And a big fear about what might happen if the idea isn’t perfect. While being outspoken, you might be misunderstood. You might be proven wrong. You might be asked to re-think. 

            And yes, chances are high that during a regular business day, not every comment or opinion is 100% amazing. But is that a good enough reason to stay on mute the whole time? Especially when you have something important to say? 

            Some of my female colleagues told me that based on negative experiences they prefer to stay silent and keep quiet as the range of reactions to their contributions went from laughing, rude correcting to sneering and head-shaking. Not always because what they said was actually wrong but in their experience the element of them being a women comes in as a second hurdle. Women shouldn’t have an opinion, and sadly in many companies the rule-of-thumb is to leave the big discussion to the experts (likely male, I presume?). This is a structural problem that needs to be addressed. The phase of remote working via video or telephone conferencing somehow made it worse for some of my friends as it was a) so much easier to hide and b) it was harder for all members in the meeting to get a speaking slot during a call and the overall competition was even higher. The result was that the already outspoken, alpha colleagues (mostly male, I presume) won the opinion-game. And the managers did their part in using the remote situation to lecture rather than support dialogues and discussion. To get a team to do creative problem solving or a constructive feedback round via computer is a lot of effort and not everyone was in the place to organize it. 

This left out the more introvert, juniors or the non-experts. Them, who might not build-up enough positive experiences or courage, yet, to know that it is worth to speak your mind even if that means to be corrected or challenged. 

How to change from shy to confident in meetings?

In a concrete meeting situation it is unlikely that you will be able to change a hierarchical corporate culture. But what you have in your control is this special meeting situation and how you prepare your statement. In our book “The Confidence Commandments” three of our confidence experts spoke about strategies to get the best preparation and develop a certain mind-set that helps to be more courageous in teams and project groups. 

1.     To be convincing in conversations starts with the right preparation. For example if you would like to pitch a larger idea, don’t do it spontaneously. Think it through in your head and also on paper. Take the other side into consideration and put yourself “in their shoes”. What could be their concerns or fears? What critical questions could they ask? The more you make yourself familiar with their position the better you can prepare counter-arguments and facts supporting your idea. This does not mean that you should go over-critical with your project, but to avoid being surprised by inquiries. If you prepared, your answer is always “I already looked into that and this is a potential solution…”

2.     Formulate statements, not questions! Confidence-expert Elke Guhl says: “Don’t put question marks in your statements – think always in exclamation marks!” It is important to adapt your communication style to the situation. If you are questioning your own statement, why should others believe in it?

3.     Prepare to say “No” or “I do not agree”. Sometimes it is not you who speaks up, sometimes you are directly addressed and asked for your opinion. If you agree it is relatively easy to answer, but if you disagree it becomes more complicated. And it needs some courage to say “No” to an idea of someone else. In “The Confidence Commandments” our expert, Lou Goodman, gave her view on the little word “No” and concluded: “I think that what we’re really looking for in most of these situations is to feel heard and to feel like we have a choice, even if we can’t ultimately change the outcome. Sometimes, the power of ‘no’ is really about not saying ‘yes’ straight away.” She reveals her proven strategies from over 15 years of business experience and if you like, check it out. 

4.     Find your wingwoman. The concept of the wingwoman consists of the idea to get a partner for an important meeting. Someone who makes sure that your idea is heard until the end. Who is overseeing that your idea is not “stolen” by someone else. Who is just saying: “I like Emma’s recommendation and would like to stress that is a very innovative way to look at the problem.” Find your wingwoman between your colleagues. Brief her well beforehand and offer to be her wingwoman in the next meeting. Trust me - it works.

If you are a leader: How can you help your team to become the confident speakers you need? 

Confidence-expert Elke Guhl is a well-known leader of successful teams. She has four tips for you in case you are a manager yourself.

• Every opinion or statement is valuable – even those from the youngest or least experienced team members or interns.

• Even more: The youngest team members have still the freshest and most non-political and un-biased view on things – this can be of huge help when making business decisions.

• Listening to statements of your team before you give your opinion as a team lead has a lot of advantages: Your team feels heard and respected, you have the time to reflect your view on things while listening to other opinions, and your final decision gets better buy-in when taking all views and opinions into consideration.

• When giving your opinion on something, always start with the positive feedback or facets – spend time to celebrate, support, or appreciate. In case you criticize or disagree on things, always keep in mind to do it constructively and be solution oriented – never be harsh or get personal or pretentious. 

Finally! 

I live by the motto: A meeting in which I haven’t said anything is a meeting I shouldn’t have attended at all.

Fair enough if this seems to be too drastic for you – but be honest with yourself and make the most out of your time in meetings and conversations. And now no more apologies: GET OFF MUTE.