How to work with an insecure manager?
There are two extreme types of managers: the uber confident boss and the super insecure boss. Let’s be honest: Both are difficult to work with. Here are three tips how to handle an insecure manager and the management style.
Make clear that failures are part of the job.
Create a common vision.
Building trust as a long-term strategy.
Make clear that failures are part of the job
Avoid creating the feeling of “I have to proof myself before I will be accepted”. Surely a (new) manager has to exactly do this, but how about doing it in a positive atmosphere? For an insecure manager it is extra stressful if every task is regarded a proof point for her/his role. You might also don’t want to be in this shoes.
If you spot that your boss has a tendency towards being very insecure, it would makes sense to work together as a team and introduce some failure management culture. We all know that failures and problems are part of the process to create something amazing. But do we like to experience them? Not so much, thank you. Nevertheless most of the time we can accept them, learn from them and leave them behind. For an insecure person these failures are worse – they are part of the worried mindset. They seem to be disasters and something to avoid completely. This is not helpful for a company and for your team, as decision making will become too much risk averse and conservative. If you want or if you need to think out of the box in your job, an uncertain manager could be a real hurdle for innovation and transformation. That’s why sometime a training in failure management could help the whole group. Try to arrange with your HR department and include your line manager as part of the process. It might be a game changer.
Another thought: Insecurity could be an asset as it makes you extra alert to potential problems. There is clearly a benefit to have a person in the team who is not taking everything for granted. Use this critical mindset and e.g. do an exercise during the project set-up that explores all the potential mishaps and failures. If you imagine all the potential (negative) outcomes you could already develop plans on how to avoid them. This gives everyone in the team the chance to articulate their opinions and worries. It channels negative emotions by turning them into solid plans and safety nets. Your insecure manager can take these plans, refine them and build a back-up just in case the problems will materialize. To make it a positive experience also imagine what would happen if you could e.g. finish the projects before the deadline or with 50% better results or with a great user feedback!
Create a common vision
This sounds like a biggy – and honestly it is. But it’s also a magic bullet. If there’s a vision that everyone is aiming for, that has impact and creates passion and motivation, it gives your manager and yourself the perfect momentum to achieve what you never thought could be achieved. Of course this is something that also belongs to the agenda of the C-suite, but why not try to develop a team vision? It could be on the business side of things (an extra project that helps to get to the KPI super quick), a process idea (improve the collaboration between yours and another department that was a crappy) or a personal goal (like doing something for the community as a team). Even if there is uncertainty for your boss in the regular tasks, she or he could shine in one of the above and become more confident. Successful special projects also foster a more substantial relationship which brings me to the next tip.
3. Building trust as a long-term strategy
Individuals, who feel trusted, are getting an extra dose of confidence. Trust is the fundament of a relationship – also at work. If you can create a better level of trustworthiness with your manager you all will benefit from it.
Because it is necessary for your manager to know that you and the team have her/his back. Especially when your manager is new to the role. Don’t criticize in front of others. In the first weeks don’t attack an idea directly just because you might know better. First, it is not polite and could be seen as undermining the authority and killing every last bit of confidence. Second, how do you know that a new team member will not bring in a fresh perspective and solutions to the table? Have some confidence in your boss. She/he is also there for a reason and some people saw qualities and know-how that you haven’t had the chance to grasp, yet.
Provide help and support with elegance. Your new boss might not be as experienced as you – “Been there, done that” is not true for her/him. Without being the know-it-all you could arrange a monthly lessons learnt session. You could suggest to review the biggest projects from last year and work through the plans, the obstacles and the solutions. This way you can give useful hints on how the team e.g. worked with other difficult departments or budget restrictions. Do it as a team and show your own vulnerability and where you have been wrong, too. When you are open, your insecure manager, who is questioning her/his own decisions every single day, will find it easier to ask for the extra briefing or your honest opinion. You will be positively surprised to see that acknowledging your own insecurities is very helpful.
Give her/him more security in the decision making process by doing your own job well. You are part of a team and success is a team effort. Give your insecure manager the certainty that you can take care of yourself, that you are reliable and even when you are not of the same opinion every once in a while you will still be a team player.
In the end trust will allow you to be more direct and honest in your conversations with your manager. Replace uncertainty, questions and doubts with certainty, answers and confidence.
Sure you identified the type correctly?
You might have worked with the confident version very often. Bold, always in the spotlight, no problems only challenges…
But did you realize that an overconfident boss might be a insecure manager in hiding? Can you read the signs of an insecure boss? My hypothesis is that many times an insecure type is aware about her/his own insecurity and following the motto of “Fake it until you become it” by overcompensating missing experience or professional challenges with too much self-esteem. Therefore the question is if you are dealing with a so to speak truly confident or a confidence-faking boss. We will talk about the faking in another blog post and speak about the signs to identify an insecure boss.
Before you give up!
Probably you’ve heard about the big trend of “Quiet Quitting”. Meaning to silently resign and go into a state of isolating yourself. Before you are taking this route because of complicated relationships at work please check out our new article about Quiet Quitting and the effects on your self confidence.
How to support a fellow leader?
You are a leader and you see a fellow leader struggling – what you can do is to offer to be her/his wingwoman. If you have a good relationship, you can have an open conversation and eg. offer to work as their wingwoman during the next presentation or speech. You can find all you need to know about the concept of the wingwoman in our book “The Confidence Commandments”. Check it out.
